Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Ye Olde Towne KRYER!

The best news money can buy. Ol' Mahzoo!! Home of ye olde tigres. Grrrrr. Item! New gossip rag bursts onto the scene! All the Mid-Mo gossip you can stomach! Dream come true! Newsflash! Gossip on the scene!! The DISTRICT Scene, that is!

Monday, July 10, 2006

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Looks like a coin toss! BigShot McMayor sez: "Move along, hippies! We're going Centurytel up in this bitch..."

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This just in! Local heartthrob nabbed for RAPE! How did this strapping young lad find himself alone on a Saturday night?! For shame, ladies! Calling all of Columbia's Deeelightful Debutants to the rescue...

ITEM!

Nineteen ninety-four Buick Regal solves Iraq crisis with the honk of a horn.

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Ye Olde Towne Kryer is back! Get ready for a news explosion!

Monday, June 05, 2006

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Local "Fancy Political Lad" Jeff "Pretty Boy" Harris was recently spotted at a local estate sale hauling armfuls of women's designer clothes to the trunk of his pink Cadillac. Representative Harris could not be reached for comment, though his beautiful wife Geoffrina answered our house call in a stunning silk kimono and full Kabuki makeup.

As seen first-hand by an anonymous staffer (named Julia) and reported third-hand by myself.

Monday, May 22, 2006

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Hear ye hear ye, the honorable Chief Justice of REAL local information presiding. It seems that nobody really knows what became popular band KORN (my computer will not make the backward 'R'). Verdict: Not Guilty because nobody cares.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

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It seems that a certain President of some local universities had a black tie affair of sorts. Rumor has it that he requested only African-American servers in black outfits at an event he threw. Certifiable misuse of a "blackout."

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

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Local horticultural lad wins annual homosexual award. Will his tomfoolery continue? Stay tuned. Ye Olde Towne Kryer brings it to you first!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

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Hear Ye has the scoop! Looks like one of Columbia's sexy Democratic hopefuls is a certified scoundrel! This political up n' comer is the owner of a ritzy computer shack where just last year, he treated bakery workers like scum while his wife stoody by and made racist comments!! ... and to an African American at that!

Newsflash! Mahzoo's own CornerCopia corners the hard-core porn market on campus!

Saturday, May 06, 2006

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Coffin full of candy found at Super Wal-Mart. Deliciousness ensued.